“A story in your head isn't a story. It's just a daydream until you actually write it down. So write it down.”

“My first book was so horrible I have deleted all copies of it. Thankfully, it was before the Internet, so there are no lurking caches of it anywhere.”

“If someone offered me a free trip to the International Space Station, I would decline. I like Earth. I like the internet. I like Diet Coke. I have cats. I write about brave people - I'm not...”

“As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.”

“If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.”

“I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.”

“WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.).”

“Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.” What do you know? I’m in command”