Charlie Brooker

“Nothing happens in cricket, ever. Even the highlights resemble a freeze frame.”

“'MasterChef''s preliminary stages deliver just the right level of almost-drama for viewers feeling shagged out after a hard day's fruitless existence.”

“All Pixar movies are heartbreaking, aren't they?”

“The majority of people are perfectly capable of interacting with retail staff without spitting on them or whipping their hides like dawdling cattle, but Planet Earth still harbours more than...”

“With Boris Johnson, you don't think of him as a politician, oddly. You think of him as a media personality because he's a comic character. He's basically Homer Simpson. That makes him strang...”

“What's odd about the selfie stick is that while it might faintly improve the photo you'll post on Facebook, it definitely makes you seem like a shallow, awful clown to any bystanders in the...”

“We're inseparable, games and I. If you cut me, I'd bleed pixels. Or blood. Probably blood, come to think of it.”

“There are different groups of people in your life that you behave slightly differently with. You behave one way with your family. You behave in a different way with your work colleagues. You...”

“If I ran a national burger franchise - which I don't - I'd make it a rule that no two customers can be greeted with precisely the same words and that every third customer must be grossly ins...”

“My bookshelves chiefly function as a snapshot of what I was reading prior to the invention of the Kindle.”

“Rather than setting yourself a New Year's resolution, why not simply pick a reason for hating yourself for the next 365 days? Takes less time, and it's easier to stick to.”

“I used to draw comics a lot. I was obsessed with 'The Young Ones,' and was massively into video games, although I was no good at them.”

“I like technology, but 'Black Mirror' is more what the consequences are, and it doesn't tend to be about technology itself: it tends to be how we use or misuse it. We've not really thought t...”

“When a monk takes a vow of silence, is he still allowed to post messages on the Internet? Chances are God won't find out. Being ancient, God probably can't work computers. He holds the mouse...”

“A cupcake is just a muffin with clown puke topping.”

“The sole purpose of a crown is to make anyone not wearing one feel like an insignificant pauper. They're obscene to the point of satire.”

“I've got a phobia about throwing up.”

“If someone doesn't respond to a phone call, I think they've died.”

“On 'Black Mirror,' we don't tend to deal with big, powerful people, because when you look at a Weinstein or something, you think, 'Is he capable of feeling anything?'”

“Short of finding a place on the witness protection programme, you don't get many opportunities to completely reinvent your life. Going to university changes that. Away from home, away from p...”