Chris Rock

“A man is only as faithful as his options.”

“Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.”

“Anything I say about women, I try to make sure that at least five or six friends of mine are going through a similar situation. That way I'm not picking on my wife.”

“I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.”

“I kind of keep my personality in my pocket a lot. When I start to do stand-up, that's not my true personality either. It's the personality of a guy who hasn't been able to say what he wanted...”

“Pretty girls have problems too.”

“Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But...”

“If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.”

“Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.”

“Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.”

“The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.”