Craig Ferguson

“HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it.”

“I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to.”

“I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.'”

“They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I tho...”

“I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest.”

“A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre.”

“I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.”

“Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.”

“I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.”

“It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.”

“I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.”

“I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal...”

“I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck.”

“I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I w...”

“I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.”

“All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.”

“I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.”

“The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman.”