Dennis Miller

“There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.”

“A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.”

“Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destr...”

“Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.”

“The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.”

“I rant, therefore I am.”

“Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.”

“One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.”

“Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.”