Hasan Minhaj

“I feel like every conversation with my father is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie; 90 minutes of build-up to no payoff.”

“Nuanced debate can't stand up to a guy who's calling women pigs and retweeting white supremacists.”

“If you want a great replacement, like, who can follow Barack and still have that swag, that charisma, that charm and be historic - I think it would be Tina Fey for president.”

“Free speech is the foundation of an open and liberal democracy from college campuses to the White House.”

“To show that a comedian on stage in India talking about sanitation or in South Africa talking about HIV and AIDS awareness, if you follow the joke into their lives, you can see that, like, o...”

“I'm not a Larry David. I don't have a 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' and a 'Seinfeld' in me.”

“On 'The Daily Show,' we get so caught up in the day-to-day news cycle. A story breaks, and then the piranhas in late night, we all jump to the headline, and we dissect it, and then we have t...”

“I just started the way most comics start, doing open mic shows around Sacramento and San Francisco, and eventually, I moved to L.A. After about four or five years in L.A., I got the call to...”

“New Brown America represents a whole generation of kids that are descendants of either immigrants or immigrants themselves, that are coming to America, enriching what it means to be an Ameri...”

“I'm addicted to chocolate chip cookies. I mean that seriously. If there are chocolate chip cookies, I will devour them.”

“Comedy is very disarming. It's a way to talk about things and still be light-hearted. And when it's done really well, you never see the strings, whereas when you watch an infomercial or a po...”

“If it's just me on stage telling stories for, like, an hour, that's great. That's fine. But like a sandcastle on the beach, it gets washed away at night. It's so much more powerful if we can...”

“I went to college during the Kazaa/Napster era, and we had free Internet, which was a huge deal. People were just downloading all of everything.”

“My mom works at the VA; she's been working at the VA for 15 plus years, and yet she's helping so many veterans coming back from brown Muslim countries, and my mom treats them. It's this weir...”

“I can't emphasize how important free speech is to a liberal and free democracy.”

“Aditi is a comedy superstar over in India. She's only one of three female English-speaking comedians in India.”

“'Shantaram' is fantastic. An Australian prisoner escapes & joins the mafia in India? Sign me up. I love stuff that is based on true stories.”

“Personal narrative is one of the few things where people don't get caught up in fighting over esoteric rhetoric.”

“When you have friends that are Muslim, Jewish, gay, from any marginalized group, you realize that they are so much more than this esoteric talking point.”

“A lot of times, especially when it comes to political debates, people get caught up in esoteric statistics. So the realest thing I can do that has nothing to do with numbers is tell you my p...”