Josh Billings

“There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen.”

“It is the little things that fret and worry us; you can dodge an elephant, but not a fly.”

“the squeeky wheel gets the grease.”

“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.”

“One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.”

“In the whole history of the world there is but one thing that money cannot buy...to wit--the wag of a dog's tail.”

“There is one kind of laugh that I always did recommend; it looks out of the eye first with a merry twinkle, then it creeps down on its hands and knees and plays around the mouth like a prett...”

“Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time.”

“There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.”

“One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.”

“There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.”

“I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.”

“A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.”

“Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.”

“The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.”

“Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.”

“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”

“Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.”

“Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.”

“Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.”