Nikki Glaser

“Temping is the worst. I would rather starve and be homeless than nanny or temp again.”

“I won't tackle something like furries, because there's nothing new to say. Also, I won't do anything that I think will put my life at risk.”

“As far as how I approach the humor, I think the best comedy is going to happen when I'm myself and act organically to a news item or situation.”

“I had a guy on Facebook for, like, years just asking if he could PayPal me money, and of course I have to say no when, really, I'm just like, 'Why wouldn't I? He doesn't want anything for it...”

“Nothing really shocks me anymore.”

“Someone told me I looked like a young Tonya Harding recently, as if 'young' would soften the blow.”

“I remember thinking years ago about getting a half special, 'When you get that, that will be it. That will be all you need to feel validated in this world.' I feel like that special was just...”

“My standup is years and years of me working things out on the road. I'm really proud of it! A lot of it is about, well... I don't know why I feel this way, but I feel like every special or s...”

“There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet.”