“The truth between two people always cuts two ways.”

“Happiness isn't a thing. You can't go out and get it like a cup of tea. It's the way you feel about things.”

“Nothing is safe from you. If I were to court a girl who lived on an iceberg in the middle of the ocean, sooner or later— probably sooner— I’d look up to see you swooping overhead on a brooms...”

“Nobody gets praised for the right reasons.”

“I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.”