Amy Sedaris

“Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.”

“Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.”

“Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.”

“I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my senior year, when I couldn't be a Girl Scout anymore. I was in clubs like Junior Achievem...”

“I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.”

“I really don't like going out. I don't like restaurants because I don't like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversa...”

“I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.”

“I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.”

“Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as 'the baby's r...”

“When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yourself.' It's like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they...”

“I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd get your supplies, and then you'd use your imagination.”

“I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they're a little naive - you made it because you needed it.”

“They just expected it to you know... Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, l...”

“I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in...”

“I like to entertain in all aspects. When you're with somebody and you're out, you want to be entertained. I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they're bored, and you're in a conv...”

“I'm drawn to people who look different. I'm not exploiting. I'm not making fun of them. I'm drawn to them.”

“I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid.”

“My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.”

“You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air.”

“My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.”