Bill Maher

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

“I think religion is a neurological disorder.”

“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.”

“Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom...”

“New Rule: There's only one thing to say about the Christian Film and Television Commission giving me the Bigoted Bile Award and naming Religulous the number-one Most Unbearable Movie of 2008...”

“I don't ridicule religion, it ridicules itself.”

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

“New Rule: Instead of using their $10 billion atom-smashing Large Hadron Collider to re-create the Big Bang by melting atom parts in temperatures a million times hotter than the sun, scientis...”

“Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every p...”

“President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with...”

“They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.”

“If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest.”

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

“Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.”

“Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars a...”

“This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.”

“The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one...”

“Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.”

“Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?”

“I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.”