Bill Vaughan

“One trouble with growing older is that it gets progressively tougher to find a famous historical figure who didn't amount to much when he was your age.”

“Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”

“Occasionally we sigh for an earlier day when we could just look at the stars without worrying whether they were theirs or ours.”

“Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a huge research staff to study the problem.”

“I'm an actor. And I guess I've done so many movies I've achieved some high visibility. But a star? I guess I still think of myself as kind of a worker ant.”

“The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”

“The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas.”

“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.”

“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”

“Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.”

“The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does.”

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”

“The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.”

“A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.”

“A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.”

“Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.”

“In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.”