“I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.”
Author detail
This author page remains available for legacy URL compatibility, including alias-backed slug support.
Quotes
Showing 1-20 of 29
“I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.”
“I don't generally feel anything until noon, then it's time for my nap.”
“We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.”
“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”
“I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?”
“The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.”
“I do benefits for all religions. ... I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.”
“If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.”
“I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.”
“She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.”
“I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.”
“I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.”
“When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.”
“A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.”
“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
“I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.”
“If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.”
“When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.”
“I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!”
“A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?”