“There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.”
Author detail
Chelsea Joy Handler[1] (born February 25, 1975)[2] is an American stand-up comedian, humorist, television host, actress, model, and best-selling author. She has her own late night talk show Chelsea Lately on the E! Cable Television Network. In 2009 she won a Bravo A-List Award. She also has her own column in Cosmopolitan and the UK celebrity magazine NOW. Early life Handler grew up in the suburban town of Livingston, New Jersey.[3] The youngest of six children, she was raised in Reform Judaism by her Mormon mother Sylvia and Jewish father Melvin.[2][3][4] Handler has said that while growing up, she felt like an outsider, telling a reporter, "We lived in this nice Jewish neighborhood...Everyone had Mercedes and Jaguars, and I was going to school in a Pinto."[5] At age 19, Handler moved from New Jersey to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career, and two years later she decided to become a stand-up comic after telling her story about a DUI to a class of other offenders, who found her story funny.[2] Career Performances Handler has performed nationwide as a comedian, appeared as a regular on the Oxygen Network series Girls Behaving Badly and on other shows, including Weekends at the D.L., The Bernie Mac Show, My Wife and Kids, and The Practice. She was a regular commentator on E! and Scarborough Country as well as a correspondent on The Tonight Show. She hosted the first episode of the reality TV show On the Lot, but quit before the second one was aired, as she later said, "because I smelled the disaster happening before it did."[6] Chelsea Handler hosted "The Chelsea Handler Show" in April 2006, which lasted two seasons. She was a guest on Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld and The View; she co-hosted The View on August 2, 2007, and again on September 5, 2008 – and hosts her own late night talk show on E! titled Chelsea Lately. On January 25, 2009, Handler was on the CBS gameshow Million Dollar Password as one of the celebrity players. On April 15, 2009, Handler won the 2009 Bravo A-List Award for "A-List Funny".[7] On August 18, 2010 it was announced that Handler would be the host of the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards. The announcement was surprising to many, including MTV, which claimed that the final decision was unexpected.[8] This makes Handler only the second woman in the history of the VMA's to be the sole host of the ceremony, behind Roseanne Barr, who hosted in 1994.[9] The event took place at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles on September 12, 2010. In 2007, Handler performed with the Hour Stand-Up Comedy Tour across the U.S.. Her stand-up has been televised on Vh1's Love Lounge, Comedy Central's Premium Blend, and HBO's broadcast of the Aspen Comedy Festival. Chelsea Handler was the host of the Fox show "On The Lot." The show, produced by Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett, is a competition for aspiring filmmakers who are vying for a chance at stardom. She was replaced after one episode by former Robin & Company entertainment anchor, Adrianna Costa. Chelsea Lately Handler as the Grand Marshal of Los Angeles LGBT Pride festival in West Hollywood, California in June 2009. In July 2007, Handler began starring on her own half-hour late-night comedy series on E! titled Chelsea Lately. On the show's 100th episode, Chelsea revealed to viewers that E! had picked up Chelsea Lately for another 150 episodes.[10] The show has proved a hit and averaged more than a half-million viewers since its premiere (much more than the average for a late night cable program) and has clips on Youtube with more than a million views. All this success is despite the fact that Handler's guests often are not A-list celebrities. In a 2008 interview Handler said, "The worse the guests are, the more pathetic they are, the funnier the show is."[5] The New York Times reported that Chelsea Lately has been renewed by E! to run until December 2009;[11] Handler received another contract extension in March 2009 to keep Chelsea Lately on the air through 2012.[12] From her work on Chelsea Lately, Chelsea Handler is ranked on the Forbes Celebrity 100 at number 98.[13] In the Motherhood Since 2007, Handler has appeared in the Internet based program In the Motherhood with Leah Remini and (since January 2008) Jenny McCarthy. The comedic series is "about moms, by moms and for moms". On September 8, 2008, it was announced ABC would be turning In The Motherhood into a series starring Jessica St. Clair, Megan Mullally, and Cheryl Hines.[14][15] Handler decided to drop out of the project due to her scheduling commitments to her show Chelsea Lately. Books Handler has authored three books on the New York Times Best Seller List. Two of the three books have been #1. Handler wrote My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (ISBN 1-58234-618-6 ) as her memoir. Handler's first book, the collection of one-night stands describes the variety of sexual encounters Chelsea goes through throughout her life. Handler also wrote Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (ISBN 0-06-117339-8), a collection of humorous essays. Are You There, Vodka hit the NYTimes non-fiction best seller list on May 11, 2008;[16] it has already had a print run of over 350,000.[17] Her third book titled Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, was released on March 9, 2010.[11] Chelsea went on a nationwide tour to promote her new book, known as the "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang Tour." On November 15, 2010, it was announced that Handler's publishers had given her her own publishing imprint (Borderline Amazing/A Chelsea Handler Book). Handler has also signed a three book deal with the imprint, the first of which is called "Lies Chelsea Handler Told Me" which is due out May 2011. Personal life On the January 29, 2008 episode of Chelsea Lately she said she had been asked to do season six of the hit television series Dancing with the Stars but declined. Handler was ranked #91 on the 2009 Maxim Hot 100. On January 25, 2010 Handler confirmed via her late night talk-show that she had broken up with long-time boyfriend Ted Harbert who, as the CEO of Comcast Entertainment Group, oversees E! Entertainment Television.[18] Handler began dating Harbert in 2006.[19] On the July 19, 2010 episode of her show, she confirmed she was dating Animal Planet star, animal handler, print model, and television producer Dave Salmoni.[20] However, on September 2, when asked by guest Melanie B if she was single, Handler stated that she was.[21] Handler appeared on one of two covers of December 2009 edition of Playboy magazine, the alternative cover featuring Dancing with the Stars semifinalist and model Joanna Krupa. Inside the magazine Handler posed for a non-nude pictorial. Handler was also featured on the cover of Shape magazine in April 2010.
Quotes
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“There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.”
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”
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“Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fa...”
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“My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but remin...”
“Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.”
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“My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this econ...”
“My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted t...”
“It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.”
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“I thought I'd become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
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“There are some really interesting celebrities and people who are fun to interview, but when you have to do it every day because you have to fill a slot, the allure wears off.”
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“I have severe ADD, and I'm constantly looking to amuse myself.”
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“Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them.”
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“I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian. If you take anything I'm saying too seriously, then you shouldn't be paying attention in the fir...”
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“It takes me a while to get my appetite going when I wake up early.”
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“We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.'...”
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“I think comedy has to come from your authentic point of view.”
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“I never considered myself a supermodel or anything like that. I mean, I don't think I'm ugly. I have good days and bad days, and I like when I'm fit and lean and all of those things that any...”
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“The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job.”
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“I've always had a big personality. I was trickier as a kid. I behaved erratically instead of consistently. I would have tons of friends, and then I would have no friends. I'd be with the coo...”
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“Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.”
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