Christopher Moore

“People, generally, suck.”

“Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.”

“Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.”

“If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”

“It’s sarcasm, Josh.” “Sarcasm?” “It’s from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartho...”

“There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.”

“She's so small, yet she contains so much evil.”

“I love you above all things, even pie.”

“I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.”

“Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.”

“Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore unde...”

“Joshua's ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never remember the sermons word for word, but here's th...”

“Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.”

“He was a writer and words were his weapons.”

“I've won Satan's lottery.”

“Hope is bulletproof, truth just hard to hit”

“Routine feeds the illusion of safety...”

“Science, you don't know, looks like magic.”

“All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?”

“Everyone thinks that it was the big strong caveman who got the girl, and for the most part, that may have been true, but physical strength doesn't explain how our species created civilizatio...”