“I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.”
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Quotes
Showing 61-80 of 80
“I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.”
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“I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.”
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“But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.”
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“And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track.”
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“There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.”
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“People only have so much attention.”
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“It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.”
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“I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'”
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“Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.”
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“I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punch line.”
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“Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.”
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“Usually, my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it.”
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“Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.”
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“I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.”
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“I never set out to do a sketch show.”
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“Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.”
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“I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.”
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“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.”
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“I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that.”
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“I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.”
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