Dick Gregory

“If you take 12 waters from the coconut - not the ones you buy in the store, although that's good - but the fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those...”

“Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.”

“I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.”

“It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.”

“I waited at the counter of a white restaurant for eleven years. When they finally integrated, they didn't have what I wanted.”

“I buy about $1,500 worth of papers every month. Not that I trust them. I'm looking for the crack in the fabric.”

“I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.”

“When I was a boy, I was taught never to use insulting expressions like, 'I've been gypped,' or, 'He welshed on the deal.'”

“Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.”

“When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.”

“Love is very dangerous if you just have love and don't have the ability to be lovable.”

“Everything we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can't afford it.”

“Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.”

“Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.”

“My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.”

“Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss.”

“Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.”