Dick Gregory

“One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people.”

“I won't say I'm out of condition now - but I even puff going downstairs.”

“When I first broke through, there was only NBC, CBS and ABC, and they had news in the morning and in the evening - there wasn't no 24-hour news.”

“If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market.”

“When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete's feet don't exist, there's something wrong.”

“I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any Ame...”

“If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.”

“We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First cl...”

“You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.”

“I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.”

“People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.”

“There is a limit on how much information you can keep bottled up.”

“You hear entertainers all the time, saying, 'If I couldn't get paid for this, I'd do it for free.' When's the last time you ever heard a business person say, 'If I couldn't get paid for bein...”

“Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.”

“When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.”

“We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it wa...”

“My belief is, you know, certain things have to be explained that's never been explained.”

“Now here's what I'm saying: I've always believed that every other month we hear about compromisation of bank records, I think that's the CIA and the FBI. Now let me tell you why I'm saying t...”

“I never thought I'd see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so, than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we was in Mississippi.”

“And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.”