Don Rickles

“I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.'”

“At 90, I'm still working a couple of dates a month. My mind is very sharp on the stage, so why not? This may sound corny, but I do it because people - young and old - still come to see me, a...”

“Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.”

“Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star.”

“I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.”

“I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried.”

“Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner.”

“The inaugural of Ronald Reagan, with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. And that was the greatest thing. Ronald Reagan and George Bush. That was - I still remember like it was yesterday.”

“Being in the Navy, when I came home, it changed your whole life. You're 18, you go away for two and a half years, you come home - boy, you're a different person.”

“My father was an insurance man and a small-time gambler. He was a good man, but he had an eye for the racehorses, and I saw how it used to bother my mother. I've never gambled a dime. Never,...”

“You know how a fighter always comes into the dressing room way before a fight? That's me - I'm like a fighter.”

“Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.”

“When I was a younger guy doing comedy, it was a big struggle. Promoters canceled me out of clubs left and right when I called somebody a dummy or a yo-yo. Then they realized I was different.”

“Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.”

“The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.”

“Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.”

“I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me.”

“So, I'm on the satellite every Sunday, no matter where we are, with the Rams. Turn on the satellite; got to watch the Rams.”

“They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.”

“I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny.”