“They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.”
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Quotes
Showing 1-18 of 18
“They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.”
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“If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.”
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“So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!”
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“In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got...”
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“Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.”
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“I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig...”
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“I don't believe that competitions are important.”
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“I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character.”
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“I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.”
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“I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.”
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“I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we...”
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“I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling...”
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“MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.”
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“I'm a one-man idiot.”
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“My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.”
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“Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.”
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“Never put a sock in a toaster.”
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“Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.”
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