Ellie Kemper

“I'm a morning bird. I love getting up before it's light out if it's possible. I wake up, I have a black coffee. I'm an 86-year-old man. I try to work out first thing to get it over with. Whe...”

“I need to make sure that when I'm running out to the drugstore I'm not wearing a Biore strip or something. Not that I expect anyone to recognize me, but on the off chance they do, I just don...”

“I joined an improv comedy group. Ours was named 'Quick Fire!' with an exclamation point. It was when I auditioned for that team and got on it and felt like... I'll just say I felt like I was...”

“It took two months from the day my fiance proposed to my first Google search for 'wedding planning: how?' Now, let me interrupt myself here and share how much I hate using the word 'fiance.'...”

“If I'm alone, I tend to cook for myself. I do a pretty good job of preparing healthful foods. My go-to is everything in a bowl like quinoa, avocado. Later in the day, scrambled eggs. I'm not...”

“I like healthful foods, but I'm from the Midwest, so I like food that's been around longer.”

“There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil Spector.' But even those guys, while insightful and...”

“Men, who certainly possess not only the savvy but also the know-how to be funny, for some reason, are just not. I began to notice this at a pretty young age, and unfortunately, a lifetime of...”

“I always have ice cream in the house. I have a bowl of it, and then a bit more. One of the greatest pleasures in my life is going back and getting a second half-bowl. The first bowl is just...”

“I've never had prejudice against me because of being a woman in comedy, I've never felt any sort of unfairness because of that - but I do think it is naive to think that it doesn't exist.”