“If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”
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Author detail
American comedian and actor
Quotes
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“If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”
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“There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that your life is on track.”
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“I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?”
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“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”
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“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”
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“Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.”
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“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
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“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much...”
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“I've done a number of Super Bowl ads. And that is the best advertising of the year. That is when people realize they're going to be compared directly against other ads.”
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“When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.”
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“Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.”
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“I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.”
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“Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.”
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“When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and...”
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“If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.”
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“Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.”
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“The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.”
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“I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long...”
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“When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.”
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“Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.”
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