Larry David

“In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my enti...”

“I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.”

“The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.”

“I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.”

“It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.”

“I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.”

“Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, yo...”

“All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.”

“I'm not quite as anonymous as I was.”

“Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me.”

“It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at eac...”

“I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.”

“I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure.”

“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.”

“Women love a self-confident bald man.”

“Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.”

“The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said...”

“I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.”

“Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.”

“I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'”