Laurence J. Peter

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”

“When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.”

“If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?”

“Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.”

“Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.”

“Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.”

“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.”

“An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.”

“In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.”

“Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.”

“Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert.”

“Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.”

“Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.”

“It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.”

“Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.”

“Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.”

“The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.”

“Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.”

“Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.”

“Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.”

“Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.”

“Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.”

“You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.”

“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”

“Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone.”

“If you don't know where you're going, you will probably end up somewhere else.”

“America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there.”

“America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.”

“Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.”

“If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.”

“As a matter of fact is an expression that precedes many an expression that isn't.”

“Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.”

“In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.”

“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.”

“You can always tell a real friend; when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.”

“Conscience: That which makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.”

“The cave-dweller's wife complained that he hadn't dragged her anywhere in months.”

“Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.”

“Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.”

“Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.”

“A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.”

“The seaman tells stories of winds, the ploughman of bulls; the soldier details his wounds, the shepherd his sheep.”

“A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.”

“Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.”