Louis C. K.

“My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask....”

“To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.”

“I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school.”

“When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep.”

“I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'”

“A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together.”

“To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.”

“A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody.”

“There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.”

“I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.”

“I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.”

“When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage.”

“Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people.”

“If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.”

“I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash.”

“My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.”

“I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?'”

“The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.”

“I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head.”

“I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system.”