Mark Twain

“Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.”

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”

“It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”

“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.”

“Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.”

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”

“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.”

“It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospec...”

“The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.”

“It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.”

“It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.”

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

“It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.”

“The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.”

“It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.”

“The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.”

“If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.”

“Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.”