Mark Twain

“A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.”

“The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happen...”

“When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.”

“It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.”

“I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English―it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flower...”

“If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.”

“Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”

“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with...”

“Familiarity breeds contempt and children.”

“There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.”

“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.”

“Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.”

“In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.”

“I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not...”

“If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.”

“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”

“We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stov...”