Mark Twain

“I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.”

“There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.”

“If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks.”

“The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.”

“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.”

“When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers.”

“If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.”

“This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth--ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when...”

“The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cann...”

“To believe yourself brave is to be brave; it is the one only essential thing.”

“Be wise as a serpent and wary as a dove!”

“The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people.”

“Никога не съм позволявал на училището да попречи на образованието ми.”

“Human nature is all alike.”

“Yes - en I's rich now, come to look at it. I owns myself, en I's wuth eight hund'd dollars. I wisht I had de money, I wouldn' want no mo'.”

“I'll not go where there is any of that sort of thing going on, again. It's the sure way, and the only sure way;”

“A proof once established is better left so.”

“So I learned then, that gold in it's native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and that only low-born metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However,...”

“Забелязвам, че колкото по-здраво работя, толкова по-голям късмет имам.”

“Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”