P. G. Wodehouse

“There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.”

“As a rule, from what I've observed, the American Captain of Industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just re...”

“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”

“Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.”

“He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.”

“He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.”

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”

“Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.”

“Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and d...”

“A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.”

“I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”

“I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate snea...”

“If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.”

“I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.”

“Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.”

“I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.”

“The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.”

“You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.”

“In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.”

“What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?”