P. G. Wodehouse

“He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when!'”

“Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.”

“Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.”

“I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”

“Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve y...”

“There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.”

“Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.”

“Flowers are happy things.”

“He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.”

“The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.”

“Golf, like measles, should be caught young.”

“She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.”

“Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.”

“Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.”

“To find a man's true character, play golf with him.”