Phyllis Diller

“If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.”

“The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.”

“Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.”

“My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.”

“My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.”

“We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”

“You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.”