Robert Orben

“To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.”

“In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.”

“Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.”

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.”

“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.”

“There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.”

“Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.”

“Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.”

“Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”

“I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.”

“Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.”

“Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.”

“Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.”

“Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.”