“I don't think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.”
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Quotes
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“I don't think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.”
“But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercis...”
“My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.”
“I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn't a funny guy when they were young.”
“I could do no wrong in my mother's eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.”
“I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.”
“If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.”
“I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.”
“You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.”
“TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.”
“If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I'm not having fun.”
“When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.”
“I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.”
“I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.”
“People used to say I'm regional, but I'm not... We all have the same human condition.”
“I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.”
“My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I'm very 'preacher-ish' on stage, not by intent but because that's where I learned to talk in front of peopl...”
“As long as I stay engaged with everybody else, then I'll create more comedy. It's just when I shut off and stay at home... What helps me is just to keep moving.”
“I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.”
“The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.”