“My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan - thin, slow, and it leaks.”
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Quotes
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“My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan - thin, slow, and it leaks.”
“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
“I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, 'I'm not even a 10th of this man.'”
“I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.”
“We always go out looking for live music after our shows.”
“The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.”
“The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.”
“You can tell on-stage when a joke's starting to lose its pop. It doesn't mean people don't want to hear it anymore; it means I don't want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to somet...”
“Donald Trump - and I don't dislike Donald one single bit - has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.”
“I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.”
“Comedy is great because there's no overhead.”
“Comedy is all about the pause.”
“I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.”
“I don't do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil's show. He's a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn't give me any advice. He doesn't give solicited advice.”
“Here's how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don't even see me coming.”
“There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.”
“I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I've always done. That's really where my best stuff comes from. I don't know how it happens. It just happens.”
“There have been times when I played more than others, but I've been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I've always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.”
“That's the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media's radar.”
“I have a very fun life. I don't recommend it for anybody else, but it sure has been fun for me.”