Will Rogers

“Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.”

“Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.”

“Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.”

“Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.”

“Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.”

“Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.”

“If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.”

“I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.”

“When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.”

“Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibiti...”

“Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of peopl...”

“Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?”

“We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.”

“The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.”

“People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.”

“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”

“The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it withou...”

“A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.”

“This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.”

“When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.”