Yakov Smirnoff

“I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls would never dream of doing - like showering.”

“The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.”

“I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.”

“It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.”

“After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.”

“I was this non-threatening funny guy who contrasted the image of the Brezhnevs and the Reagans of the world.”

“I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.”

“I have American in-laws, and I care about the environment. We don't use disposable diapers, which, of course, creates an environmental problem of our own.”

“We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.”

“The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.”

“Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile.”

“Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.”

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”

“Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds.”

“I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could...”