“Perhaps if I'd had God in my life growing up I would have been able to understand the total and complete unfairness of the universe rewarding mean girls”
Work
<b>Hailed by David Sedaris as "perfectly, relentlessly funny" and by Colson Whitehead as "sardonic without being cruel, tender without being sentimental," from the author of the new collection <i>Look Alive Out There</i>. <br><br>Wry, hilarious, and profoundly genuine, this debut collection of literary essays is a celebration of fallibility and haplessness in all their glory. </b><br><br> From despoiling an exhibit at the Natural History Museum to provoking the ire of her first boss to siccing the cops on her mysterious neighbor, Crosley can do no right despite the best of intentions -- or perhaps because of them. Together, these essays create a startlingly funny and revealing portrait of a complex and utterly recognizable character who aims for the stars but hits the ceiling, and the inimitable city that has helped shape who she is. <i>I Was Told There'd Be Cake</i> introduces a strikingly original voice, chronicling the struggles and unexpected beauty of modern urban life.
Quotes
Showing 1-16 of 16
Sloane Crosley
Canonical work source
“Perhaps if I'd had God in my life growing up I would have been able to understand the total and complete unfairness of the universe rewarding mean girls”
“Even a person like this makes mistakes, can't always hold on to everything they'd like to,can't always force the world to spin in the direction of their choosing. You'll hug him longer than...”
“love is not boastful. But hate? Apparently hate has a big mouth.”
“I have never pictured my own wedding. I do want to get married. It's a nice idea. Though I think husbands are like tattoos - you should wait until you come across something you want on your...”
“It's so clear to me now: the memorizing of a fake prayer, the symbolization of objects, the struggle to relate to the invisible - I needed a religion. I was lost.”
“The real proof that I have tried to love and that people have tried to love me back was never going to fit in a kitchen drawer.”
“The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I...”
“Why do people always want to put their hands on vulnerability? I sped up.”
“Teddy bears are best because they understand it's nice to be alone.”
“It should be noted that my mother has a long history of being disturbingly unperturbed by what normal people deem perturbing. Certain things simply don't strike her as worthy of a sit-down.”
“I thought of the past and how one should have respect for it, like the elderly.”
“So natural and universal is a child's curiosity about sex and so long are we conscious of it before we do it, that our original impressions of it leave an indelible mark.”
“People are less quick to applaud you as you grow older. Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.”
“Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.”
“There is a point in most abusive relationships when it occurs to the beaten party that they are guilty of putting their face in the way of someone else's fist.”
“It seemed that having girlfriends was a sign of innocence and a boundless capacity to care about other women. The hearts in that photograph and multiple strings attached to multiple other he...”