“I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.”

“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.”

“Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt”

“I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.”

“You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt”

“You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.”

“My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson”

“Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, that reason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.”