“One thing I love about politicians; they won't allow the truth to be obscured by a bunch of facts.”

“A woman on an online dating site asked if I'd ever had an STD. I told her my high school prom date was named 'Chlamydia.”

“I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.”

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me...”

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on earth.”

“So many books, so little time.”

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”