Doug Larson

“Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.”

“The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.”

“What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high.”

“Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.”

“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”

“The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.”

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”

“There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.”

“A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.”

“Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.”

“For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.”

“Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.”

“Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.”

“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.”

“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.”

“Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.”

“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.”

“A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.”

“The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.”

“Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.”