“Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.”
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Author detail
American comedian and writer
Quotes
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“Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.”
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“Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.”
“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.”
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“A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of...”
“All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.”
“Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.”
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“Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.”
“Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside...”
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“Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.”
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“So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.”
“I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever wri...”
“Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing...”
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“If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to...”
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“Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?”
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“I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a...”
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“Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and tha...”
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“I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.”
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“The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jon would be the new host of 'The Daily Show,' which back then was not called 'The Daily Sho...”
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“I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids. Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche and then appli...”
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“The letters that say 'I'm getting the messages you're sending me through the television screen' are not great. But those are few and far between, thank God. I get wonderful letters, and peop...”
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