W. C. Fields

“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.”

“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”

“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”

“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”

“I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.”

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”

“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”

“If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.”

“Never give a sucker an even break.”