Woody Allen

“I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.”

“If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.”

“My brain? That's my second favorite organ.”

“I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.”

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”

“If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.”

“There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?”

“If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.”

“Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.”

“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”

“All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.”

“Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.”

“I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.”

“The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.”

“Chapter 1. He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yeah. To him, no matter what the season was, this was...”

“It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.”

“If Jesus came back and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing-up.”

“Eternity is awful long time, especially towards the end.”

“There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking...”

“I read in self-defense.”