“People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporar...”
Work
Sometimes, a little brain damage can help.<br/><br/>A book of original humor pieces by beloved comic George Carlin. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny. Also included are two timeless monologues, "A Place for Your Stuff" and "Baseball-Football."<br/><br/>Readers will get an inside look into Carlin's mind, and they won't be disappointed by what they find:<br/>I buy stamps by mail. It works OK until I run out of stamps. What year did Jesus Christ think it was? A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. Have you ever noticed the lawyer is always smiling more than the client? I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. If you ever have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other? Carlin demolishes everyday values and yet leaves you laughing out loud.
Quotes
Showing 1-14 of 14
George Carlin
Canonical work source
“People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporar...”
“So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.”
“I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.”
“I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are...”
“You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.”
“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.”
“Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. '200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore' is no...”
“I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.”
“No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committ...”
“THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.”
“Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.”
“I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking....”
“There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Tr...”
“It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everyth...”