“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
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Quotes
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“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
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“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
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“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of t...”
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“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
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“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
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“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
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“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
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“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
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“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”
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“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
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“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
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“It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.”
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“We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Ar...”
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“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
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“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”
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“Meow” means “woof” in cat.”
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“People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporar...”
“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”
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“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”
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