“I've made out more this season on a family-friendly show than ever in my actual life.”

“Some people think my father was a spy, because of working for that government agency in Vietnam, but he can't find his car keys, much less keep a national secret.”

“I get a delivery of a diet food during the week, which doesn't mean that I don't eat the occasional Krispy Kreme doughnut.”

“I must work harder to achieve my goal of not seeking approval from those whose approval I'm not even sure is important to me.”

“Anyone can smile on their best day. I like to meet a man who can smile on his WORST.”

“Sand castles just aren't made to last.”