“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
Work
If we could only put aside our civil pose and say what we really thought, the world would be a lot like the one alluded to in <i>The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary</i>. There, a bore is “a person who talks when you wish him to listen,” and happiness is “an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.” This is the most comprehensive, authoritative edition ever of Ambrose Bierce’s satiric masterpiece. It renders obsolete all other versions that have appeared in the book’s ninety-year history. <p>A virtual onslaught of acerbic, confrontational wordplay, <i>The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary</i> offers some 1,600 wickedly clever definitions to the vocabulary of everyday life. Little is sacred and few are safe, for Bierce targets just about any pursuit, from matrimony to immortality, that allows our willful failings and excesses to shine forth.</p> <p>This new edition is based on David E. Schultz and S. T. Joshi’s exhaustive investigation into the book’s writing and publishing history. All of Bierce’s known satiric definitions are here, including previously uncollected, unpublished, and alternative entries. Definitions dropped from previous editions have been restored while nearly two hundred wrongly attributed to Bierce have been excised. For dedicated Bierce readers, an introduction and notes are also included.</p> <p>Ambrose Bierce’s <i>Devil’s Dictionary</i> is a classic that stands alongside the best work of satirists such as Twain, Mencken, and Thurber. This unabridged edition will be celebrated by humor fans and word lovers everywhere.</p>
Quotes
Showing 1-17 of 17
Ambrose Bierce
Canonical work source
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
“Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”
“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”
“Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.”
“Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”
“Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a lang...”
“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”
“HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person...”
“Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our h...”
“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”
“Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.”
“Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.”
“Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.”
“Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”
“NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.”
“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”
“EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptia...”