“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”

“Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.”

“When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.”