Eoin Colfer

“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”

“The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.”

“It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.”

“Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.”

“Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she... Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She for...”

“Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder”

“If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.”

“No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.”

“A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.”

“Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?”

“What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?”

“I'm sorry, Arty,' she whispered into his ear. 'Sorry for what?' 'For everything. For the last few months, I haven't been myself. But things are going to change. Time to stop living in the past.' Artemis felt a tear on his cheek. He wasn't sure whose tear it was.”

“I don't like lollipops.”

“I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.”

“I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?”

“how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant. Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear...”

“They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.”

“I am swimming with sharks and I am prepared to become one of them.”

“We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.”

“You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're ch...”

“Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over”

“It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon. Opal tapped this into her notepad. Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable?”

“Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.”